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By Dexter:
Believe it or not, The King did not die while sitting on the toilet, after
spending too much of his recreational time with prescription drugs. As is often
the case with the truth, the real story of Elvis is much, much more beguiling
than the old myth that has been commonly adopted as truth could ever be. All I
can say about this movie is that it is of paramount importance that you witness
its inherent genius, this instant if possible. It may not be out on home video
yet, but the second it is released, rent it, run all the way home from the video
store, and slide it into your VCR. Don’t even bother with popcorn - this movie
is so good that popcorn is decadent excess, a completely unnecessary luxury that
will merely stand between you and the brilliant spectacle that is "Bubba
Ho-Tep." Trust me, this movie does not need popcorn. Elvis Presley is played by
His Eminence, Bruce Campbell, the star of such cinematic masterpieces as "Evil
Dead," "Evil Dead 2" and " Evil Dead Three: Army Of Darkness," and author of the
sidesplitting autobiography If Chins Could Kill: Confessions Of A B Movie
Actor. Despite his self-proclaimed status as a B movie star, Bruce Campbell
will dazzle you with his thespian prowess - Bruce Campbell isn’t merely
another cheap Las Vegas Elvis impersonator; Bruce Campbell IS Elvis. He manages
to internalize the very quintessence of The King after his fall from grace,
garish rhinestones and all, and presents an interpretation of Elvis which is so
believable that on more than one occasion I was thoroughly convinced that he was
Elvis in the living, gyrating flesh. Well, living anyway. By the time that the
saga of "Bubba Ho-Tep" begins, Elvis has ceased to gyrate and can barely manage
to hobble around without his walker. His place of residence is the Shady Rest
Convalescent Home of Mud Creek, Texas, and Elvis is no longer the dreamy,
chipper, young whippersnapper he was in his younger days; he is an old man
filled with remorse who spends most of his waking hours doing nothing. He
regrets his decision to trade lives with a random Elvis impersonator, he regrets
leaving his wife and daughter, and he regrets falling off stage while
impersonating himself and entering a coma - as a result of his injury, no one
would possibly believe he really is The King, and everyone simply writes him off
as a harmless old coot with a head injury. Come to think about it, I don’t
know of very many people who wouldn't be remorseful about all that, but Elvis is
so crippled by his sorrow that he can hardly function, spending almost all his
waking hours lying in bed, awaiting death. Whole days pass by in fast motion,
and everything is a jumbled haze for Elvis.
Then one day it happens. After a series of the elderly residents of the
Shady Rest Convalescent Home wind up dead over the course of a few nights (not a
horribly uncommon occurrence at a rest home), Elvis is assaulted by a large bug,
which he initially believes to be a giant cockroach. After he emerges victorious
(yes, The King still has some of his old virility, albeit a little dusty), no
thanks to his not-so-trusty bedpan, he sees a strange apparition, which quickly
disappears. He immediately runs to the room of his friend, Jack (played by Ossie
Davis, who I have never heard hide nor hair of before, but who seems to be a
talented actor), to tell him about his experience. Before I continue, let me
tell you something about Jack. Jack believes that he is actually JFK. He
believes that after the assassination attempt of Lee Harvey Oswald, he entered a
coma and was surgically rearranged into a black man for his own protection (how
it would protect him to be a black man in Texas in the 1960’s isn’t
explained, but I suppose that isn’t the point). Jack also believes that his
old political rivals are still tracking him down to assassinate him, this time
for good. Neither Jack nor Elvis know what exactly is going on, but when they
find a fresh set of hieroglyphics on the wall of the guest bathroom which, when
translated, make a rather lewd statement about the dearth of Cleopatra's
feminine appendages, It becomes obvious to them that there is something awry,
and with another elder dying each night, they know they must act quickly...
The beauty of "Bubba Ho-Tep" is that it is so completely unpretentious - it
admits to it's own corniness and revels in it's own absurdity. It ridicules it's
own ridiculousness, and because of that every last cheesy aspect of the movie is
completely and utterly ameliorated. Truth be told, "Bubba Ho-Tep" made me cry.
The last time I cried during a movie was two years ago, and the movie that
prompted this reaction was the original black and white version of "Elephant
Man," which is one of the most beautifully tragic things I have ever witnessed.
Other than that, no movie I have ever seen has made me cry (excepting when I was
a very small child, but I was probably crying about something else then anyway -
I was the original Emo kiddy. I digress.) Towards the end of "Bubba Ho-Tep," my
eyes filled with big tears of joy, and I just sat there, laughing while these
big tears rolled down my cheeks.
So yeah. See it, or I will become very displeased with you, and anyone who
has slipped far enough away from reality to react to "Bubba Ho-Tep" by crying is
capable of pretty much anything. If you don't believe me, just watch the movie.
Watch it. You’re still reading this? You haven’t run off to see if the movie
is out for home viewing yet? GODDAMMIT! I’M COMING TO YOUR HOUSE WITH A LOADED
TWELVE GAUGE, AND "BUBBA HO-TEP" BETTER BE IN YOUR VIDEO PLAYER, OR YOU BETTER
BE ON THE WAY TO THE VIDEO STORE TO SEE IF IT’S OUT YET! JUST WATCH THE
GODDAMN MOVIE ALREADY!
Okay, I'm done.
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