| |
|
The following is a rendition completely and utterly based upon personal
observations regarding the inherent differences between estrogen and
testosterone. Mind boggling to say the least, the two subjects-thoroughly
discussed in the scientific community-abhor to the public display of trashing
their innermost thoughts. Being the relentless and heartless human beings
that we are, us scientists will completely ignore their pleas of privacy and
print their exonerating and, at times, exhausting babble. Exercising our
first amendment right to be assholes, we shall now proceed to ridicule beings
of lesser intelligence. Watch, learn, study…
WHEN THE FEMALES OF THE SPECIES COMMUNICATE…
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"How was
it?"
"How was what?"
"You
know…"
"No…I don't"
"Oh come on!"
"What the hell are you talking
about?"
"Stop stalling. You know exactly what I'm talking
about."
"Yeah, and that's why I'm standing here
understanding everything you say."
"How was last
night, dammit!"
"Oh…yeah…last night."
"Well?!"
"Well what?"
"How was it?!"
"It was ok."
"How was he?"
"How was who?"
"HIM!"
"Oh yeah…he was great."
"Cool"
"Yeah, that's what I said."
"What did ya talk about?"
"Anything and
everything. It's like he totally sees thing in my point of view. I think
maybe…"
"What?"
"Never
mind"
"Tell me!"
"…I think
we might be in love."
"Wow. You are so lucky!"
"I know."
"He's so hot!"
"I know."
"Are you two gonna do it?"
"Do what?"
"You know…IT."
"You know, I've been thinking…"
"Yeah…"
"…And I think he might be the
one I lose it to!"
"OH MY GOD!"
"I
KNOW!"
Thus ensues a ten-minute period of shrill
screaming and jumping up and down.
Not to mention the absolutely
necessary overnight slumber party to plan the rest of her life with her
"meant to be" boyfriend and the details of how they will "do
it" for the first time.
Meanwhile, across the city, two young
men are having a conversation almost exactly the same but completely
different…
WHEN THE MALES OF THE SPECIES COMMUNICATE…
"So how was last night, bro?"
"Pretty
cool."
"What'd she wear?"
"A
dress."
"Yeah?"
"Yup."
"Low cut?"
"You bet."
"Kickass…"
"Yeah…"
"You going out with her again?"
"Nah man. We got
nothing in common."
"You're not even gonna wait to do her
first?"
"Hell no. Her ass is too big."
"Whatever. Let's go score some pizza."
"Cool."
Thus ensues the scoring of pizza.
This piece of work is dedicated to my dear friend Julie Vinogradsky. The only
rational thinking female, besides myself, who can overcome the inherent
disadvantages and downfalls of estrogen.
This piece of
work is also dedicated and would not have been made possible without the
grungy hallways of Lowell high school that lay haven to the bigoted, dim,
dull, dense, and brainless minds that roam and moan above and beyond the call
of duty. Thanks guys. Could never have mad this paper possible without your
obtuse blither and blather.
After all…it's you I
observed.
|
|
