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Have you noticed that women and girls alike have this incredibly neurotic
urge to constantly go to the bathroom in groups? It's like, one of them has
to piss, or pee-pee as they so fondly refer to it as, so ALL of them must,
absolutely MUST, escort her. It's a support issue. Taking a wiz is an entire
thought process that requires an incredible amount of emotional support and
stability. Every yank on the panties, or drop of urine to hit the toilet is a
sacred ritual. One must always encourage the process of pissing. I'm amazed
it hasn't come to candles, burning incense, and scripted incantations.
Though, I wouldn't be surprised. Females have a thing for the melodramatic.
Right about now you're probably thinking "What a
hypocritical little bitch! I'll bet she can't tinkle alone anymore than the
rest of us." Well hold on to your pubic hairs and your downy soft
toilet paper because I've got a damn spanking good reason for this insipid
and intolerable behavior of which I shamefully take part in. The toilet
monster. I am absolutely terrified of the toilet monster. I never got over
the childhood fear that I'll be sitting on the john, relieving myself, when
all of a sudden Mr. Toilet Monster will pop out from down under and bit my
ass off! And I LIKE my ass. Granted, it's not the best bum to ever grace
the porcelain throne, but, as you can see, I'm rather attached to it. Plus, I
really find it quite disturbing that some monstrous being from the
frightening depths of modern plumbing would digest my butt. Who knows what's
down there. Maybe that's what the god-awful group business is all about.
Every female is scared to bits that she's gonna get her butt bitten of by
some psycho-shit-demon from hell! Like, he'll be made out of human
excrement and flushed dead goldfish and he'll have giant ASS-BITING teeth!
How horrendous. My behind aches at the thought. Ouch. Anyway, enough of this
insane babble. All this talk of bodily function has done me no good except
now I really have to piss. So... ummm... anybody wanna come with me?
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