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A two year-old girl and her mother are playing around on her mother's
bed. Talking, tickling, and giggling the child asks-quite innocently-if they
can go have pizza for dinner.
Now, if you were ever a
kid, or have ever been in the presence of these small beings, you know the
importance of the word pizza. A delicacy of it's own unique nature; pizza is
the gourmet food of young human offspring everywhere. The melting hot and
gooey cheese combined with the flavorful and tantalizing aroma of sweet
and ripe tomato sauce that walks hand in hand with the sharp sting of
sizzling, fat-dripping pepperoni, all of which sleeps on a bed of fluffy
dough, makes their taste buds croon and exult in the pure ecstasy of the most
fabulous food known to man. The pizza. So you can imagine the excitement when
mommy dearest approved the request. The young girl leaped with delight.
Pizza, pizza, pizza! Oh happiest of happy days! Oh most wonderful of
wondrous things! The joy! The rapture! Can we get extra cheese? Can I order a
sprite instead of milk? When are we leaving? Can we go right now?
At this point, even mommy is wound up about the notion of pizza.
BUT. They can't leave quite yet. You see, daddy only just got home ten
minutes ago. Daddy had a hard day at work. Daddy is taking a shower to calm
his nerves. Daddy wants nothing more than to pour himself a generous glass of
vodka and sit down to watch Baywatch whilst scratching his crotch and farting
every ten minutes or so as he plans the untimely, yet tragic and violent
death of his asshole boss.
However, pizza beckons.
So with rosy-cheeked delight, the young girl goes careening into
the bathroom to inform daddy of the amazing news. Daddy is just getting
out and toweling off, so as she charges through the doorway she is stopped
dead in her tracks at the strangest sight she's ever seen. "What is that
thing growing on you daddy?" she asks in wide-eyed amazement. Now, most
children discover the difference between girls and boys at a somewhat later
age. This particular specimen has the privilege of knowing earlier. We've
got to hand it to daddio. Despite his horrendous day, he keeps his cool. He
towels off. He answers: "Well sweetheart, boys have this to pee with.
Perplexed, the young girl-now completely scarred for life-goes
back to her mommy. Secretively, and with an air of importance and poignancy,
the child leans over towards mom and whispers, "Mommy…daddy's
got a tail!" And so, another kid learns the important and pressing matter
that all boys have tails.
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