Changes

V

Hours together on a perilous slope,
Abandoned as we leave the path.
When we make it to the top
We are greeted by apricots and smiles.
That night the garlic bread is half gone,
Digested by the left-behinds.

Blue paper and graphite scratches
Adorn our homemade pornography while
The Jewish girl with the crazy mom
Laughs with us, knowing as we do
The bliss of deviant creativity,
The joy of straying from the path

Half a year apart and then return
Only so you could sit in the boat
While I on the other side watch
As you and the three with you
Try to carve an exclusive path.
Only four could fit in anyway.

Your friend is my lover
You become the one who steals
Her from me, her best friend.
For that I hate you for a year
Until my love is murdered and
A concert brings me to your lips.

You take her side, the one who
Kills me with each word, each glance.
You keep her strong and make me weak
At a time when I am crippled and crazed
And my life has become poetry in a box
As it is released and goes forth as madness

One day, we talk again and all is civil
Then you give me green for the second
And we are condemned both to the lake.
After school, during school, the j's
Keep rolling themselves as the hits keep climbing
And my head keeps climbing until I fall.

Blackness and misery, academic pain.
We cling to each other for support.
Cranking away at the chemistry book
Looking for the magic word to make
It stick like the green, the sparkly green
Who still drowns us in its fog

Tickling and laughing, but more.
The tent is a playground
And you want me to play
Hands on legs until the guilt
Of the girl waiting for me
Hits and I stop for fear I will
Lose my mind, hurt myself
My knife speaks for me later

Both busy, both friends, though
I enjoy my environment more
While you think only of escape
Fighting to free yourself from
The forces that keep you on the line
On the path and in the box

When you are freed and I am free
We meet under a different moon
We kiss and cower, love and fear
A slip in my shoe tells me how you feel
And we hold each other close
Under the shadow of the bridges above

We are happy, we swim and love
Flesh on flesh, the hospital next door
The green in our eyes fading and
My doubts growing and we don't talk
Until I hurt you and shame you and
Push you down to quench my fears

I lose you for a while
As you wander through the world
The way you like,
A traveler on the road while I
Rock carved into human form
Spend my time imprisoned

When I see you again
Words are not given
And eyes look away
We are angry and stubborn

Changes occur and things improve
We are once again friends
Though we meet in the clear
Rather than in the green
And we talk like we used to
Though the anger remains

We cook and we fight and
In the end it is all better
Until it happens again
You don't cook rice
Like I cook rice and I
I point out stupid shit

One night with a friend
We try to contact the girl
Who you love so much
And we find instead two men
And a dog named Charlie
The night is clear as are we

You ask me while vomiting
If I will take you home
And you come with him and me
Until we reach the house and
He remains to my surprise
And disdain

I walk home steaming
Thinking of the way you
Must think when you drink
Thinking of the sailor boy
Who you missed and wanted
And regretted not knowing

I want to understand why
You do those things in the clear
What hopes keep you from reality
And keep you on that rocky path
And keep you on that narrow path
And keep you on that perilous path

I want to understand what in this man
Makes you a "we" instead of an I
And turns you into a hermit who
Only calls when you want something
And has forgotten the bonds that
Form in the light of youth

Changes occur and you leave
Moving from place to place
Man to man, appeasing boredom
And trying to keep things lively
Until I pass you on the street and
We recognize each other and nod
And keep on walking, our paths
Before us and diverging

I look back for a moment to see
As you turn the corner, bus ticket
In hand and tall buildings in eye
That mischievous smile disappearing
Into the darkness

I sigh, weighed down with memory
And keep walking, fast and intent
To do something I have to do.
Make some changes

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