The teen movie will always hold a special and embarrassing place in my
heart. Create a social hierarchy; put a group of misfits in it; give one of
those misfits the desire to climb to popularity, or get the girl, or boy, or
whorehouse and I'll be entertained for hours (well, an hour and a half
anyway).
Let's start nice and easy:
Revenge of the Nerds (1984) "All jocks ever think about is
football. All nerds ever think about is sex."
This is not the story of two nerds, Louis Skolnick and Gilbert Lowell.
No. This is the story of every nerd, every outcast, every dweeb, every
goober, every spazoid, every dork-master in existence. This is the story of
the oppression of all of nerdkind. Before Bill Gates made it cool not to
shower, nerds had to struggle to be accepted. In this particular movie the
battlefield is Adam's College.
An invading jock hoard, which accidentally destroyed their former house,
kicks the freshmen nerds out of their dorms. The nerds are forced to sleep in
the gym. Led by Louis and Gilbert the nerds seek out new residence, and,
eventually, official status as a fraternity. The jocks try to pound them into
a fine dweeby pulp every step of the way.
This is an excellent movie to begin the genre with because the lines that
are drawn are so clear. On one side we have the jocks: they are the kings of
the school; they run the Greek council; they have all the hot girls; they're
boorish, aggressive, and intolerant. On the other side we have the nerds:
they're the outcasts; they have only their computers to keep them warm; they
have no luck with the girls; they're intelligent, awkward and oversexed. It
is readily observed, throughout the entire movie, that despite the nerds'
somewhat devious activities they represent the side of good and justice. The
forces of evil trample upon the nerds. Americans love the underdog.
On the subject of nerds, cheerleaders and jocks:
Can't Buy Me Love (1987) "Cards with the 'tards. Who could
beat a night cards, chips, dips and dorks?"
Again, we have a social hierarchy. Again, in that lovely teen movie way,
the social order is spelled out clearly. But this time it's not just the
nerds and the jocks. In High School, the setting is far more intimate. The
groupings are different. There are the Populars, and the Unpopulars. Of
course, the Populars are made up of jocks and cheerleaders, but the
Unpopulars are not necessarily intelligent; they're just socially awkward. As
one can imagine the crazy caste system shuffle-up takes place when one of
the Unpopulars, Ronald Miller, acquires a large sum of money. He puts his
dream of owning a high-powered telescope aside and propositions a Popular
cheerleader, Cindy Mancini, to pretend to be his girlfriend. Why does he do
this? In order to attain status as one of the Populars, of course.
This masterpiece is one of the first to have a scene where glasses
removal and a brief hair tussle is all that is necessary to make an Unpopular
attractive (mimicked in She's All That [A similar movie with a
female protagonist]).
The best part of this movie is that you realize by the end that despite
the fact that both Mancini and Miller learn a lot through their interactions
it is money that ultimately helps Miller win love. Love is not used in its
typical sense, meaning the romantic love shared between two consenting
adults, but rather this is a love that means the admiration of one's peers.
In other words: popularity. Perhaps, the naming our faithful protagonist,
Miller, is no mistake. A parallel can be drawn between the protagonist in
this film and Arthur Miller's character, Willy, in Death of a
Salesman. All Willy ever wanted was to be well liked. All Miller ever
wanted was to be one of the Populars.
Sometimes it's not about popularity; sometimes it's just about a
girl:
Whatever it Takes (2000) "It's supposed to be Ryan gets
pickle into Ashley. Not Ashley gets Ryan into a pickle."
This Cyrano de Bergerac perversion is one of the more subtle teen movies.
The two contending groups are not really Popular and Unpopular or Jock and
Nerd. They could be classified as the attractive and the attractive-but-odd.
In this film, Ryan Woodman helps Chris Campbell "get with" his very
attractive best friend, Maggie Carter, in exchange for his help with a
popular girl named Ashley Grant. Obviously the moral of the story is "be
careful what you wish for, Ryan Woodman."
This film has the best scene in all of teen movie history: the main
character dancing about in a cowboy hat and boxers, playing "Play that
Funky Music, White Boy" on his accordion. I am sorry Tom Cruise; we'll
go to the disco without you.
Unlike other teen movies where the less attractive protagonist attains a
desirable attractive mate (Can't Buy Me Love, She's All
That, Revenge of the Nerds) the protagonist in this film
realizes that his true love was in his own nerdy little clique all along,
that the poker table is where his real friends are, and that for the love of
God, Marla Sokoloff is effing hot!
On occasion, the real world touches a teen's life and we forget about the
nerds and the jocks:
Risky Business (1983) "I don't believe this! I've got a
trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer
pimp!"
Here is another tale of a boy and his whorehouse. This is that movie with
the famous scene involving Tom Cruise, lip-synching, with no pants, and a
sports trophy. Joel Goodsen (Good Son) has the house to himself. His parents
have left for a long vacation and he can do whatever he wants, which
eventually includes hiring a whore named Lana.
Interestingly, in this movie, Joel's high school does not have any clear
caste system. He has a small clique of friends and he is perfectly content in
his social standing. He's not a football player; he's not a computer geek;
and he's comfortable playing poker on the weekends. But Joel is just a little
bit hormonal, a little bit of an entrepreneur, and it gets him into quite a
lot of trouble.
The story is a perfect example of why teen movies are often about
clear-cut circumstances. Risky Business tells us that stepping out
of your protective, black and white teen world can be dangerous. You can bump
into all sorts of ills and sins if you let your desires run wild. Then again,
as Joel concludes, you might not mind what you see. (Especially if what you
see is a naked Rebecca de Mornay)
This is obviously a very brief list of movies from an expansive genre.
One should not forget the other fine works of this category such as The
Breakfast Club, The Heathers, Ferris Beuller's Day
Off, Sixteen Candles, Can't Hardly Wait etc. Wait a
moment, I think I smell a nerd in the distance-a swirlie is in order! What
do you say my football-playing chums? To the restroom?
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