I pull on his jacket. I can smell a scent that was his, the scent that
everyone carries around with them. I poke my head out from the top and wrap my
arms in his jacket around myself. I see his smiling face and I smile back. He
takes my hand and we walk under the stars through the sandy dunes of Ocean
Beach. He whispers, "You are my favorite girlfriend." I giggle. "I am your ONLY
girlfriend." I lay down on the carpet in my room holding the phone against
my ear. " Couples who go to different schools…that's why I think they're
crazy!" he says. I laugh and he continues. "I mean, if I had a girlfriend, I
would want to spend every moment with her; wouldn't you?" I nod and realize that
he can't see me over the phone and say, "Yeah, I guess." I feel very happy and
relieved as we continue to talk about relationships. I feel nothing. I am only
talking to a good friend on the phone. I sigh and close my eyes while he
talks. I open my swollen eyes, tears still filling them and running down
my face. He sits next to me. "I love you and I'll always be there for you."
But why now?! All I want is to be left alone! I love you too, but
please…please leave me alone! But I don't dare say that out loud. I just
bury my face in my arms and sob. He leans over and kisses me on the head. If I
wasn't crying, I would have shown surprise, but I am crying and all I can do is
sob. A kiss on the cheek is my goal for today. Today is Tuesday. Tuesday
means he has fencing and fencing means he has to leave early. If he is leaving
early, that means my dad won't be here to see. We search the shelves of the
library looking for a book with our friend. He turns around. He has to leave.
Oh! Not yet not yet! Now's the time. It's now or never. Just do it
before he goes! I work up my nerve while I try to keep him from leaving. A
quick peck on the cheek and we both blush, but he has to leave and I watch him
go. I turn around and my friend didn't even notice what I just did. He
walks away quickly. No hug goodbye. I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Maybe
I should have just said we needed to take a break, not a breakup. There
is a reason why I have a best friend. She told me not to do it. She told me I
would regret it. I regret what I did. One week later was too late for another
chance. The last dance of the school year, he goes with this girl. But
during the first slow dance they don't dance. He likes her, right? Why don't
they go dance? I walk over to him and give him a little shove towards her.
"Go, ask her to dance." I watch him walk to her. I watch him dance with her.
I'm happy for him. I'm happy for him. I'm happy for him. Right? Then why
are these tears burning in my eyes? I move through the crowd of couples and out
of the dance. I step outside into the cold evening fog, slink into the shadow of
a tree and sob. I cry ‘til the song is over and a fast one begins. By the time
I walk back inside, no one could tell I had just cried. The next slow dance, I
dance with him. We don't hold each other close like we used to. A nice arm's
distance away and we just watch each other as we dance. I snap out of the
daydream as the phone rings. My heart beats a little faster. That's gotta be
him. "Hello?" "Hi, sorry I didn't call you last night." "It's ok!" It's very
ok. He calls me every night and we talk for hours! Tonight I sit in my bed and
we talk about video games. I hold the phone closer to my ear and listen to his
voice. Time seems to slow down a bit, just so we could talk longer, maybe
forever. I pull off his jacket and toss it to him, "Sorry I kept it for so
long, I keep forgetting to bring it with me when we go out." He just laughs and
shrugs, "Whatever, we see each other often enough." I smile. "We see each other
more now than when we were together!" We both laugh. We walk through the mall
like a couple, but we're not a couple. We were a couple. Now we are a
couple of best friends. |
