Nothing smelled of anything; I was sick and my nose was running. I had
gotten up with the sun on my back, my neck thick with an unpleasant wetness. I
had taken a shower; I had buttoned my shirt; I had tightened my tie; I had eaten
my breakfast; I had walked out onto the street and made my way to work; I had
taken the elevator; I had walked past all the cabinets, standing at attention; I
had sat behind my desk and the people had come and gone and now I was staring
blankly at the blue, green carpet, scratching idly at my unshaven face. I had
forgotten to shave; I never forget to shave. Where had my morning gone? I blew
my nose and tossed the used tissue into the trash bin under my desk. The
door opened, two people dressed in suits stepped in and abruptly my quiet
office, with its gently humming fan, was interrupted with noise. "-No, I
didn't really know anything about her. Don't know if I've ever seen her,
actually." He stopped by my desk and shifted his weight to one leg. "Then
where'd you hear about it?" "One of our interns-" "They have names,
you know." "Sure they do-went up to her floor on some errand or other and
saw her office taped off, asked the officer standing in front what was going
on-ehem, oh yeah, I need these reports." he put a slip of paper down on my desk.
I stabilized my hand under the table and then took it from the desk and read
it. E-46 1998
E-46 1999
E-46 2000 "One moment." I said and
slipped around my desk. I walked over to the cabinets. "Anyway, it
certainly doesn't make me feel very safe. I can only guess that the office was
the scene of the crime?" "It isn't?" "Well, perhaps they're just
looking for clues there; I don't know, apparently the officer couldn't
say." "What did she do, I mean, what was her job?" "Something for
someone, probably."
"Thanks, that's really specific." For some reason
I felt short of breath when I brought the reports back to my desk. The man gave
a thanks and he and his colleague finally left my office. As I sat down my
clothes started to feel as if they did not fit. Suddenly my collar was too
tight and it squeezed at my Adam's apple. I swallowed and brought another
tissue up to my nose to take the mucus away. I was found out. They would
look at the security cameras and see my face: my face talking to her, smiling
at her, waiting by the elevator, meeting her outside of the bathroom, going with
her to lunch, walking with her out the door. But I did not go to any of these
places. I'm the quiet one. I do my work. I do it quickly. I do it well.
Everyone in the building knows me. Everyone in the building knows me. They all
know me. They'll give me away. I can't do anything where they know me.
I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. I have to get out of
here. The red light was winking at me. I blew my nose. I thought I heard
the sound of steps down the hall. I thought I heard men talking outside my
office, about me. I thought I heard sirens.
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