Regret
The rain falls at a quickly increasing pace.
Regret
The rain falls at a quickly increasing pace. It sounds just like a
waterfall, constantly rushing down with no end in sight. The air smells of a
perfume, probably the massive amount of flowers being displayed here. The cold
is piercing. The water from the rain hits my hair, seeps through it and trickles
down to my forehead, over my eyes, runs across my cheeks and reaches my chin. My
body is shivering due to the cold; my clothes don’t provide sufficient
protection and get wet. I raise my head to stop shivering, to take the cold. A
mound of dirt, a bouquet of flowers. Inside, the irises I left her. She always
did like irises. On her birthday, after performances, in the hospital.
----------------------------------
I never really was much of a conversationalist. Not the most social, one
would say. That’s the reason why it was so awkward in the beginning. But she
tried and tried. Eventually her words reached me. Even then, I was still the
flaky person I was known to be. At first, she would just accept my apologies and
tell me not to do so next time. However, this didn’t help. It only got worse.
Soon enough, she started to look sad or disappointed. That’s when it really
got through to me. No words, just that expression. That stupid fault of mine was
the reason for all this.
She told me to meet her at the park at 8:00. I didn’t get there until
8:30. By then, it was already too late. She was lying in the middle of the
street bloody and bruised. Some idiot drunk didn’t stop at the red. I went
down to the middle of the street and placed her head on my lap. "Dammit. Dammit
all."
"What’d you say? My hearing isn’t what it used to be." she said
jokingly.
"Stop kidding around. This is serious."
"Ya gotta speak up, sonny."
"Save your strength. You’ll need it to survive this."
"No, I’m fine. I’m pretty sure it’s my time anyway."
I really didn’t want to say so, but her body was getting colder and colder
as we spoke.
"The light. It’s getting brighter and brighter. It’s calling me into
it."
"Shut up."
"I’m getting sleepy. Oh, so sleepy..."
"Shut up."
"Well, you only get to make these jokes once in your life. I might as well
do it now."
Tears started welling up in my eyes. The realization of her imminent death
finally registered in my mind.
"Hey. Before I go, can I make one final request?"
"Yeah?" I said, holding back the tears to hear her.
"Don’t cry. Not now. I’ve seen that face too many times. I want to see
you happy before I go. For once."
I smiled. I really did. But what came out wasn’t a smile of happiness or
joy. It was of melancholy properties. This is ridiculous, I thought. That’s
when I chuckled to myself.
"There, wasn’t so hard... was it?" She said slowly.
The ambulance arrived seconds after she passed out.
She was put into a hospital and fell into a coma for about a week. I came in
the first day to bring her flowers. She died while in that coma. The life of the
irises faded and withdrew that day.
-----------------------------------------
"You might not have heard, but I said I would be the first one here. I guess
I am. No family in sight yet. I just wanted to say I really had fun with you,
believe it or not. I know I always acted indifferent and maybe like a jerk for
being late to everything. You’ve changed me a lot and I want to thank you.
And…that I’m sorry. If only I was there that day. Dammit. Here, I brought
you these."
I place the flowers on the right in front of the stone.
"I wonder whether or not you smelled them that day. It was raining the day
that you slipped away from this world. I can smell them now; irises smell the
strongest in the rain. Did you?"
My face isn’t cold. My hands rise from their position at my sides and cup
my cheeks. The emotions from the day she was hit come flooding out. The
raindrops coming from my eyes are warm.
|
