truth

I was supposed to die today.

Yeah, you’re reading it right. I’m not supposed to be alive as of nine fifteen this morning. How do I know this? Cal told me. I wasn’t supposed to even meet Cal, let alone know he existed. We’re not supposed to know any of them exist.

“Them” – the people who make sure everyone dies when they’re supposed to – when it’s their time to leave. Usually, everyone dies when they’re supposed to. But every now and then, someone doesn’t die. Because they didn’t step out onto the road a second earlier. Because they stopped, hesitated. Or maybe, just maybe, because they knew. I didn’t know. I was about to get into the car when I saw him. He was standing there, smoking what appeared to be a cigarette. There was something about him, something… insubstantial about his presence. I remember shaking my head, my disgust towards cigarettes pushing the boy out of my mind. Disgusting things, I thought. They’ll kill you.

I remember the hollow laugh resonating in the car. The way I had looked around the inside of the vehicle, shaking my head. Starting the car, driving up the street. Coming to a stop when I saw the horrific scene strewn out before me.

It was the remains of a mangled, smoking car. People crowding around it, others hovering at the sides, their faces shocked. I saw the unnatural position of the girl inside the car. Her hair obstructed the view of her face; and I was glad, relieved. I didn’t want to see it. The wailing of police sirens broke my stupor, and I shook my head, sick to my stomach. That could’ve been me, I thought. Only later did I come to realise it should’ve been me.

I was late. The bell had rung, and I was soaking wet – I glared through the windows in the hallway up at the grey sky – as if it were to blame for my being soaked. I slowed to an attempt at casualness, hoping to convey the fact that no, I wasn’t late, surely – when I saw him again. I stopped in my tracks, eyes wide. He was leaning against my locker, his mop of black, curly hair sharply contrasting against his pale skin. He looked up as I approached, and gave me a withering look. Any shock I had dissolved at the look he was giving me. Who the fuck did he think he was?

‘You’re late,’ he said, and straightened up. I crossed my arms, and opened my mouth. ‘No, I won’t fuck off,’ he said in a bored voice. ‘And you can forget yelling for help,’ he said, putting his hands in his pockets. ‘They won’t be able to see me. They’ll think you’re crazy. Probably call your parents. Take you home, and sit you down on the couch. Your dad will ask you if you’ve taken anything this morning, then your mum will get you a cup of tea, and tell you that you can tell her anything. But when you’ve gone up to your room, they’ll probably call Dr. Towns, and tell him that you’re seeing things again.’

I was speechless. My arms were hanging loosely by my sides, and I felt the blood drain from my face. How did he know?

‘Because I do, Lillian. I know you, because I have to. I have to know what you do, what you will do. I have to make sure that your life goes according to plan. To our plan. You were supposed to die this morning. But you didn’t, because you saw me. And some other girl died when it wasn’t her time. So it’s all fucked up now, because you didn’t die. So you’re going to come with me, to set things right.’

I felt my throat close up, and my head spin. The boy looked at me, with his bright blue eyes. They were the last things I saw before everything went black.

Cal

The watch was ticking, slowly. Would it be enough time? Those precious seconds, counting down to his end. He looked at the girl, pale and shaken. Her eyelids twitched – she was dreaming. He could easily see into her dreams, and implant an image, a memory, something that would assure her about his presence. That was what he had done with the other girl – there was no fight there, no resistance. She had eagerly welcomed him into her shattered life, seeing him as… what? A reward, some solitude? A chance?

He shook his head. That girl was gone, now. And Lillian was here, now. She sighed, a peaceful sound. Her bright red hair fanned out beneath her head, and he carefully fingered a strand, bemused. This wasn’t her natural hair colour – when she had been a small girl, her hair had been a dark brown, falling in ringlets past her shoulders. Now it was a shocking red, straight and edgy. He had much preferred those dark ringlets, framing her oval face beautifully. He frowned, pulling his hand back. She was just another problem for the Organization. Another danger to his existence, something he had had to fight for. He wouldn’t get close to her, in any sense – whether it meant being a friend to her, or… something else. His hand traced those faint scars that ran from his collarbone to his chest. He had made that mistake once.

I opened my eyes.

It took me seconds to realise I was underwater. I panicked, floundering around. Moments later I forced my limbs to work, kicking up towards what appeared to be the surface. The world seemed to shatter around me. I gasped for air, and looked around.

There was something wrong. Was it the way everything seemed to blur around the edges, or how every now and then something flashed into visibility, something that wasn’t there moments ago?

I treaded water for a few minutes. ‘Alright,’ I said to myself. ‘First – get out of the water.’

I swam to the edge of the water, and pushed myself onto the shore.

For a while I just lay there, breathing quickly.

Where the hell was I? How did I get here? What seemed like mere minutes ago I was at school, being… harassed? And there was the boy; who claimed he knew everything about me. The back of my neck prickled, and I propped myself up on my elbows. Where was he?

I shook my head. What was I thinking? It was a good thing he wasn’t here. I didn’t know who he was, or why he was following me. His motives were unknown, and he was angry with me… because I didn’t die. Fuck. Was he going to kill me? I got up off the ground, and started walking.

Then I saw someone. They were standing underneath a large tree that I could’ve sworn came out of no-where. I quickened my pace, afraid that this person would disappear. As I got closer, I saw the person was a girl. She saw me, and surprise flitted across her face. ‘Oh,’ she said blankly. ‘Hello.’

I stopped a few meters short of her, and frowned. ‘Yeah, hi,’ I said. ‘I was wondering if…’

‘Want gum?’ she said, cutting me off. I stared as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of gum, wrapped in bright red paper. The girl stared at me expectantly, her expression slowly changing to dubious when I didn’t take the gum. ‘You don’t want it?’ she asked, her blank voice contrasting against her expression. ‘No,’ I said, and she narrowed her eyes. ‘What are you?’ she asked, and her voice, for the first time, was suspicious. I frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

The girl took a step back. ‘Why don’t you want it?’ she asked, her voice shrill, eyes wide.

I was taken aback by her reaction. My mouth opened, but she screamed, dropping the gum and turning to run. But before she had taken a few steps, the girl vanished suddenly, her scream cut short.

I stood there, frozen. My mind was racing, the girl’s scream echoing inside me. I dropped to the ground, swaying. What the fuck had just happened? Something caught my eye; the gum. I reached over and picked it up, holding the stick of gum between my fingers. What was I missing? It was just gum, wasn’t it?

I fingered with the edge of the wrapping. To eat or not to eat…

Suddenly, the temptation was too strong. I tore off the wrapping, and stared at the stick of pale blue gum. ‘Well,’ I said to myself. ‘Just… eat it.’

The gum was inches from my lips when a hand snatched it away. I gave a cry, and a voice said, quite calmly, ‘you should thank me for that.’

It was a girl, scruffy yet elegant, leaning against the tree. Her raven hair spilled down past her shoulders; framing her narrow, sharp face perfectly. Eyes not unlike a cat’s narrowed as she took in my appearance; and I noticed how the colour of her eyes wavered, dark blue suddenly fading into dark brown, then to black, frightening yet mesmerising. I couldn’t look away from those black eyes, and from a distance I heard a laugh, bitterly amused. Suddenly, the eyes turned a muddy brown, and I was able to look away. ‘It’s alright,’ said the girl in an even tone. ‘You’ll be just fine in a moment.’

That moment passed. I held my breath, and looked at her again. Her eyes hadn’t changed, and she was looking at me curiously. ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, and I frowned. ‘Where’s here?’

The girl gave a rueful smile, and raised her arms, gesturing widely. ‘Here, everywhere,’ she said. When she saw my dark look, her arms dropped. ‘This is Limbo,’ she said softly. ‘A place for the woeful wandering, for those who don’t know where they’re going.’

I didn’t say anything, waiting impatiently.

The girl continued. ‘When you die,’ she said, ‘your… soul, of sorts, belongs to the Organization. They keep your soul; decide if you have the potential to be reborn. Sometimes they’ll decide to keep your soul in suspended animation, until such a time when they see fit to re-animate the soul.’

I stared at her, my head spinning. This… was just impossible, surely…

‘It’s not,’ said the girl sharply. ‘Your being here is proof of that.’

I stood up, suddenly furious.

‘I didn’t ask for this!’ I cried. ‘I was fine, everything in my life was fine… then he came along, and suddenly I’m being told someone was watching me my whole life, someone who suddenly appears and tells me I’m supposed to be dead, and then I’m here, wherever the hell this place is… and now you’re telling me this, and I just…. I just…’

Tears were streaming down my cheeks, hot and fast. I wiped them away angrily, my hands shaking. I didn’t want to be here, I just wanted everything to… I was alone, I wanted…I… I…

Suddenly my knees gave way, and I dropped to the ground, shaking, sobbing.

***