truth

Sometimes I cry at night,
While everyone sleeps.
Sleeping like the silent stars.
I cry because I need to lie to myself,
Act stronger than myself.
I cry because he does not believe in me
Seen as a failure
I cry because he does not love me
The way a parent loves a child.

I let my grades slip,
He tells me I won’t graduate.
I tell him about senior portraits,
He tells me I’m not ready for them.
I endure his criticism,
And get nothing in return.

My mother once told me,
“You can feel it when you are loved”
I believe her.
To separate those who love me
From those who do not.
Someone who has no confidence in me,
Does not love me.
Someone who can only see my faults,
Does not love me.
Someone who does not see me as who I am,
Does not love me.

It saddens me to think this way.
Somewhere in the back of my head
I want to believe that his criticism will only help me.
But this thought is hidden.
Covered by the painful words.

As difficult as it is,
I will endure.
Stay strong in front of the world.
Because one day,
I believe,
My heart believes,
That my dad will truly love me,
For me.