entertain

Youth in revolt is the fictional journal of Nick Twisp, an incorrigibly prurient 14 year old
diarist whose primary objective in life is to oblige his exceedingly compulsive libido. Though
Nick is not the type of individual one would want for a friend, his escapades make for an
entertaining story. If you are looking for a saccharine Sweet Valley High clone, Youth in revolt
is not a book for you. However, if you prefer books on the opposite end of the teen angst
spectrum, Youth In Revolt is worth checking out. Youth In Revolt will not provide you with tales
of morally upright sugar-coated teen angst drama, but rather with the story of a nerdy pockmarked
tween whose quest for sex leads him to lie, cheat, steal and burn down half of Berkeley by
crashing his mother’s old Lincoln into a pastry shop.

Though none of the particularly nasty bits of the saga are described in lurid detail (thank God),
the book does contain some really sleazy bits – it was definitely not written with your
six-year-old cousin in mind. Within the pages of Youth In Revolt, the term “Thunderous Erection”
is used so frequently that it is abbreviated to “T.E.” The book is riddled with moments, like when
the abridgement T.E. is explained, where the only way one can react is by thinking (or screaming
out loud) “eeewwwww…wait…he didn’t actually…awwwww.” In spite of this significant handicap,
C.D. Payne manages to raise the overall quality of the book to a stratum far above smutty
pornographic trash. Payne has a remarkable ability to twist the storyline of the book into a
confused jumble of chaotic complexity which always manages to tumble towards the strangest
possible destination, and then abruptly diverge from it’s original course in the direction of an
even more bizarre one. Throughout the entire book, he manages to exploit his phenomenal ability to
manipulate any situation his characters find themselves in to his own ends, ensuring that every
development will offer up a refreshing batch of dry, satiric humor.

As I mentioned earlier, our narrator and protagonist Nick Twisp has only one real goal in life: to
get a girlfriend so he can get laid. As Nick is neither attractive, good-natured, nor loaded with
cash, his chances of finding a girlfriend are slim. The only elements which are on his side are
his wits, of which he has an abundance, and his outstanding ability to pull off the most
outrageous deceptions without any compunction about who he might hurt along the way. In his
interactions with just about everyone, Nick relies almost entirely on the latter trait. Though
Nick Twisp is truly a revolting human being, some of the complex lies which he tells result in
such eccentric exploits that the book is worth reading just for these bits.

Nick’s saga begins in Oakland (an industrial city-port known for its high crime rate, located to
the east of San Francisco), where Nick is spending the summer sitting in his room (which his
sardonic mother has painted pink because she read somewhere that the color helps to calm violent
psychopaths) in a bored stupor, waiting for the next school year to begin. Nick’s life is a
delirium of being yelled at by his mother, writing, hanging around with his friend Lefty and
spending hours staring at old copies of hustler and playboy. The only escape Nick has from Oakland
comes in the form of infrequent visits to the Mill Valley (an upscale demi-suburb northwest of San
Francisco) residence of his deadbeat penny-pinching yuppie father and his father’s live-in
“bimbette,” Lacey, on specific dates mandated by the California Family Court System.

Nick’s summer sojourn in his room is interrupted when his mother and her fat, pervy trucker
boyfriend named Jerry decide to take a respite in Ukiah (a small cow town far north of San
Francisco). His mother does not trust Nick enough to allow him to stay in Oakland alone, so she
brings him with her to Ukiah. In Ukiah, Nick meets and falls in love with the local pretentious
teenage intellectual, Sheeni Saunders, who also happens to be every bit as liberated from her
conscience, and capable of lying, as Nick himself. With much persuasion, a few low blows and
plenty of cute antics, nick manages to convince Sheeni to dump her attractive, poetic boyfriend
for him.
Unfortunately for Nick, his vacation is over all to soon; before he can convince Sheeni to go all
the way with him, he is forced to return to Oakland with his mother and Jerry. However, before
Nick leaves, Sheeni convinces him to adopt her dog Albert, who her parents despise, by agreeing to
sleep with him if he will do some research on what brand of condom is rated least likely to break.
Figuring that Albert is the only way to keep Sheeni interested in a long distance relationship,
Nick decides to take Albert back to Oakland.

At this point the book switches gears into overdrive and Nick becomes a full out inordinate amoral
schemer, a “Youth In Open Revolt.” Now that he has experienced the possibility of getting laid,
Nick will do anything to get with Sheeni. It becomes apparent that Sheeni has other plans however,
and the rest of the book is basically a hodgepodge of deception, manipulation, political
maneuvering and crime. Over the course of the book, Nick adopts two alternate personalities, helps
a friend fake suicide, steals another friend’s car and then frames someone else when he runs out
of gas in the middle of the freeway, spies on his friend as his friend is getting laid and gets
caught, writes and unleashes the largest computer virus in history, hides out from the law in Los
Angeles, and burns down half of Berkeley, among other felonies and misdemeanors. For more
specifics, you’ll just have to read the book.

It is rare to encounter a 400+ page novel that one does not feel like putting down once in a
while, and Youth In Revolt is no exception; some of the more licentious parts are so despicable
that one may feel the urge to hurl the book across the room (I know I did on at least 4 or 5
occasions.) The difference between Youth In Revolt and most other long novels is that in these
moments one is simply compelled to keep reading. There where many moments when I sat reading the
book, completely repulsed but utterly unable to put it down. Though most of the time Nick is just
disgusting, there are also many moments where you feel sorry for him that he ever got involved
with Sheeni in the first place. There are parts where you will laugh, and parts that are so
nauseating you just might cry. However, I will promise you that the vast majority of the book is
extremely entertaining, and I would recommend it to anyone who doesn’t have a weak stomach for
debauchery.