truth

Have you noticed that women and girls alike have this incredibly neurotic urge to constantly go to the bathroom in groups? It’s like, one of them has to piss, or pee-pee as they so fondly refer to it as, so ALL of them must, absolutely MUST, escort her. It’s a support issue. Taking a wiz is an entire thought process that requires an incredible amount of emotional support and stability. Every yank on the panties, or drop of urine to hit the toilet is a sacred ritual. One must always encourage the process of pissing. I’m amazed it hasn’t come to candles, burning incense, and scripted incantations. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised. Females have a thing for the melodramatic.

Right about now you’re probably thinking “What a hypocritical little bitch! I’ll bet she can’t tinkle alone anymore than the rest of us.” Well hold on to your pubic hairs and your downy soft toilet paper because I’ve got a damn spanking good reason for this insipid and intolerable behavior of which I shamefully take part in. The toilet monster. I am absolutely terrified of the toilet monster. I never got over the childhood fear that I’ll be sitting on the john, relieving myself, when all of a sudden Mr. Toilet Monster will pop out from down under and bit my ass off! And I LIKE my ass. Granted, it’s not the best bum to ever grace the porcelain throne, but, as you can see, I’m rather attached to it. Plus, I really find it quite disturbing that some monstrous being from the frightening depths of modern plumbing would digest my butt. Who knows what’s down there. Maybe that’s what the god-awful group business is all about. Every female is scared to bits that she’s gonna get her butt bitten of by some psycho-shit-demon from hell! Like, he’ll be made out of human excrement and flushed dead goldfish and he’ll have giant ASS-BITING teeth! How horrendous. My behind aches at the thought. Ouch. Anyway, enough of this insane babble. All this talk of bodily function has done me no good except now I really have to piss. So… ummm… anybody wanna come with me?