truth

I have often wondered what it is that makes the teenage years so difficult. As my nineteenth birthday draws near, and with it my last year as a teenager, my life seems to be clearing up significantly. I have much better perspective on teenagers as a whole, their worries, their problems, and the other things that seem to plague them endlessly. This is not to say that my perspective is the correct one. It is merely mine. Any solutions for problems I might suggest are also biased as they are solutions that I have used and have worked or that I have seen used successfully. Either way, everyone is different and these suggestions are by no means intended to be definitive.

     One of the fundamental reasons that adolescence is so painful has to do with the conflicting nature of the problems that youths face, that and the abruptness with which they appear. In many cases, different parts of a teen’s life are pulling in opposite directions (i.e. friends versus parents), threatening to rip the teen apart. This is especially difficult to deal with at this stage of life because of the sudden shift from the easy life of middle school to the social and academic rigors of high school. Adults face the same problems, for as "life problems" they never really go away, but for the most part have learned how to deal with them. The most significant problem for a teen is one that, though it plagues them as well, doesn’t manifest itself in adults with nearly as much flair. The problem is that of identity, how to find it and how to live with it.

     Most of the teenage years are spent in intense, internal dramas, desperate pilgrimages of the soul on their way to find Self, something very few ever find. This "identity crisis", as many call it, is responsible for many of the political and social dramas in high school. A breeding ground for all sorts of destructive thoughts and actions, this uncertainty of oneself, which lies deep at the core of the ego, brings with it over sensitivity, longing for acceptance, macho fronts, rapidly changing hair colors, ridicule of others, and extreme susceptibility to peer pressure. After all, if teenagers are confident in themselves, what need do they have to prove themselves to anyone? What need do they have to conform or to care about the opinions of others?

     Considering my past, it may be hypocritical to give advice on this subject, but, then again, hypocrisy is inevitable. It’s good advice anyway. It’s very hard to free yourself from social conventions and from the opinions of others, maybe even impossible. A lot of teens, in an attempt to do just that, end up just joining another group, the group of supposed non-conformists. While it may take a while to find oneself it need not be painful. My experience has been that if you treat people with respect and kindness, they are likely to reciprocate. If they don’t, then ask yourself, "Why do I want to be around someone like this?" There is really no point in trying to make people like you. It doesn’t work. It makes much more sense to find a group of people with whom you feel comfortable and who like you for you. Honesty is of the utmost importance. I have often compared high school to a masquerade ball. Everyone putting on the mask they think that others will like. But, then again, how can anyone like you for you when they can’t see behind your cheap plastic mask.

     Teens, for the most part, join groups. As I have never really been part of a group, I have been able to watch and objectively analyze the group dynamics within particular social settings. Now, first let me say that a group itself is neutral, gaining either its positivity or negativity from its members. The group mind, however, is different from the group, and can be dangerous often enough to be disturbing. Mob mentality is a common side effect of the group mind, opinions tending to polarize at the extremities of the group. The anonymity that each member of a group feels is proportional to the size of the group, explaining why large groups are more often to commit horrible deeds. This, combined with the association of power with size, can help us to understand many of history’s great atrocities, such as the Holocausts of WWII. It also helps to explain the smaller, closer-to-home atrocities, such as the boy who was sodomized by the baseball team of his school with a bat. This of course takes me to the next subject, the high school hierarchies.

     Now some schools, as they perhaps value different aspects of school life, will have slightly different hierarchies from each other. By far the most common across this country, however, is the one so aptly demonstrated by such movies as "Varsity Blues" and other, in my opinion, disgusting and disturbing films. Jocks. Be it football, be it baseball, jocks rule schools nationwide. The baseball team, as mentioned in the previous paragraph, we can all agree to have done something completely unacceptable. I’m sure most of us can also agree that the students should have been expelled and sent to juvenile hall. All the school did to discipline the students, however, was suspend them. I personally cannot even begin to understand anyone who would commit such acts, but I am sure that these people were acting both under the group mind and the knowledge that, as jocks, nothing serious would happen to them. This is the problem with high schools having any hierarchy at all.

     Another group, often occupied by jocks, though not always, is the in-crowd. This is the group who decides what the trends are and is responsible for trying to make those people who don’t conform hate themselves. They usually resort to less physical means of torture, specializing in ridicule and rumors, sometimes effective in destroying a teen’s perceived social life. These are the people who make the less confident acting people even less confident, helping to suck all the joy out of their high school experience. These spiteful people are also suffering from insecurities, despite the attractive and confident masks. In fact, most people in the in-crowd tend to either have good looks are something else going for them, something boosting their confidence enough to allow them to crush others’.

     At my alma mater, Lowell High School, jocks do not own the school. In their place, however resides a different elitist faction, the self-proclaimed intelligencia, called Shield and Scroll by the administration, and the Lowell Gestapo by a few people such as myself. They are given the sacred ability to pick their classes before everyone else, which helps them get the most interesting, and sometimes the easiest, teachers. This is of course highly encouraged by the administration as they operate under the misconception that this increases motivation for learning. It does not. The only thing it increases is the students’ motivation for grades, which can neither be equated with learning or intelligence, only study habits and willingness to play the system. During senior year, when I tried to get people to revolt against the elitism at Lowell, the head of Shield and Scroll shut me down with the reasoning behind it being basically: The world isn’t fair. Get used to it. I’m starting to get used to it, but I still believe that injustice has to be fought at the small levels if people are to ever be truly happy. So, in my opinion, fight when you feel you are right, but pick your fights carefully. Don’t confuse this with an endorsement for grade grubbing. I personally think grades are pointless except to compare students to each other, which I also feel to be pointless.

     It is no wonder then, that in a hostile and oppressive environment such as high school, that many students turn to substances to relieve the pressure and help them to relax. Most teens I know who smoke cigarettes do so to relieve some of the stress from their lives. I also know students who started doing speed so they could stay up all night to do homework. I am neither anti-drugs nor pro-drugs. I feel it depends a good deal on the individuals ability to handle the drug and the motives behind the use. Many people are ill suited to certain drugs, either because of addictive personalities or health problems. Also, motives such as escapism, while viable in some cases, often leads to habitual drug use. Used purely for recreation, drugs have a solid place in world culture. There are many ways to amuse oneself, however, and risking your mind for a bit of fun doesn’t sound altogether bright. If the right drugs are used in moderation, however, not much harm will come to the user.

     Besides recreation, drugs have their place in the spiritual world. I am speaking of psychedelics only at this point. Most teens do not do drugs with the intention of self-actualization, or philosophical discovery, or enlightenment. For them, it is only fun they seek. It is unfortunate then, that the most pleasurable, and "fun" drugs are also the worst ones to use, such as heroin, cocaine, amphetamine, ecstasy, and, by far the most insidious, alcohol. As someone with multiple alcoholics in my family, I abhor alcohol and avoid it. I generally avoid all drugs except the natural ones, such as marijuana and psylocybin Even then, I do not suggest that anyone who does not use these already should. There are many ways to have fun and to open up one’s mind without narcotics. For instance, a good book, or a bike ride, or even raising sea monkeys can serve as a fun, not to mention cheaper, way of entertaining yourself.

     Alcohol, by far the most used drug in the world, is also one of the worst, causing everything from accidents, to fights, to unprotected sex, to rape, and to the most prevalent substance problem in the world, alcoholism. Teens, for the most part, drink to release themselves from their inhibitions and to take off their masks in an environment where they are not responsible for themselves, or their actions. This way, if they do things they feel ashamed about later, they have a scapegoat. This freedom from responsibility is also what leads to most of the reckless behavior characteristic of drunken people. With this in mind, reflect on the possibility of being able to release one’s inhibitions while still retaining control of oneself. The way to do this is simple and though it is redundant, I will restate the method. By learning more about yourself, which can only be done through deep introspection, learn to love yourself. As you do, you will no longer need social approval and taking off your mask as well as releasing your inhibitions will be easy. I know, however, that this is not the only reason why teens do drugs.

     Sometimes teens use drugs in order to rebel against their parents or society in general. Teens hate authority, perhaps because of their desire to find themselves, or perhaps because of their meddling in their lives. Now, I may sound like a traitor when I say this, but, most of time adults are doing what they do because they worry about their children (please excuse the use of the word children). They are trying to maintain order in their lives as well as the teen’s. Imagine if one day your little girl (or boy) suddenly started arguing with you and questioning your authority and nothing you could say from that point on was right. You had quickly turned from the role of loved parent to seemingly hated oppressor. Would you let go? Would you let go if you were worried that your daughter would get pregnant or get strung out on heroin, get raped at two in the morning (when she should have been home at twelve) or flunk out of high school? Adults, for all the crap they put their kids through, know more and are more experienced. I’m not saying you should always listen to them. You have to find your own way, but at least know that they are trying really hard to understand what the hell happened to their baby and help them. Communicate with them and let them know you. Honesty is perhaps the most important thing in any relationship. Let them know that if they want you to be honest, you have to know that you won’t be penalized for being honest. Once parents realize that they can’t control their kids, and their kids start being honest and respectful towards them, relationships often improve. Some parents, however, are psychotic. They are not rational. For teens with parents like these, all I can say is, sorry. Wait until you go to college. You’ll love it.

     The last, and possibly one of the worst problems facing teens in high school is relationships with members of the opposite sex. Most of my high school years were spent thinking about girls, worrying about girls, and feeling bad about myself because they didn’t appear to like me. I can only give the boys side of this topic as it is a very gender biased one. Girls can really mess up guys’ heads. The funny thing is, I’m not sure if they know they are doing it or not. Girls like looking attractive but I’m not sure they realize the stress it causes their brutal, blunt counterparts. I, however, will write about this at a later date, as it is too much to get into right now. As it is, it’s time to sum things up.

    In general, the teenage years are so difficult because people make them that way, both by judging themselves and by judging others. Most teen problems could be solved in the same way as economic problems and all the other problems in the world, by following the golden rule, by treating others with respect and love, by recognizing everyone as unique, rather than labeling and condemning them, by realizing that everyone is going through the same things as them, by knowing oneself, which can only be done through the frightening process of self discovery. The teen’s biggest enemies are fear and anger. Conquering them can open up the world around them, the love, the injustice, the enlightening and the stupefying. Only when all the choices are available can a teen’s potential be realized. (What a moralistic and preachy ending, eh?)